Boy its been a while. Let's play a little catch-up...My single follicle did in fact grow to be 20mm, fully mature and was ready to go!! I have been in my 2 week wait ("2WW") since having my IUI on Wednesday, August 24th. I always seem to fall quiet in that period simply because I really have nothing to update on.
The IUI was performed by my actual endrocronologost which was kind of nice. I got to talk to him and express my concerns and ask about how many cycles we have left on IUI before bring written off as an IUI patient and shipped off to the never never land of IVF. He is such a kind an reassuring man. Plus has a gentle touch which is a major plus when it comes to administering the IUI. He let me know that Dave and I will be getting more IUI cycles than the "typical" infertility case because of my diagnosis. With hypothymalic amenoreah I do not produce the hormones on my own therefore I have no chance of conceiving on my own so all of our attempts are while in their care. Having only a 20% chance at best per cycle, they tend to be a little more lenient with us. It was a relief to hear this but also not simply because I'm ready for this to work already and really don't want to go to IVF. I truly don't know how we will afford it if it comes to that. Money is tight right now as it is with all the Dr visits, labs and medications. How can I afford another $15,000 on top of that???
This 2WW was a lot easier than normal for some reason. It went by like a blink of an eye and I was rather positive. While all of the women on my forums were bitter about Beyonce's baby news, I was rather happy for her. I went shopping, twice, for an upcoming baby shower...and did it with joy! It's all started to turn slowly in the last dew days though. My mood has been rather down and the pressure is finally getting to me.
The 2WW has its ups and downs. The negatives are known far too well to anyone undergoing fertility treatment. There is anxiety, hope, worry, disappointment, fear....the list goes on forever. But there are positives too though; during those 2 weeks you almost feel normal again. There is no blood work, no Dr appointments, no shots...nothing. Well, except for the lovely progesterone suppositories which are a breeze compared to the rest of the junk!
I'm know a great part of my mood is contributed to the nerves of the up coming days. It's now so close and inevitable and that terrifies me. I feel like a ticking time bomb just watching the minutes fly by. Tomorrow marks 2 weeks exactly since my IUI and I am NOT looking forward to the rest of the week. I'm so nervous because I know its only a matter of time now until the truth comes out. I feel no different, as usual, and am so afraid of yet another big fat negative. My boob's aren't sore or swollen, I'm not sick, I never had spotting or cramping indicating implantation....big fat NADA going on as far as symptoms. I am scheduled to take an HPT on Friday, that is if I don't start my period first. If this cycle is anything like the others I will start either tomorrow or Thursday.
This single follie and I had a lot of talks about how it was going to need to shine and hog the attention of all the swimmers that came to visit....invite one in and ask it to stay! I think that these conversations are coming to and end and I am going to have to have talks with some new ones in the upcoming cycle.
I do all my mixing for the injections on a glass cutting board on the kitchen counter. I usually don't keep it out unless we are doing shots but for some reason never put it away during this 2WW. This afternoon I was washing up the counters and thought "I should put this stupid thing away" and then instantly thought "whats the point...I'm going to have to pull it out in a few days anyway to start mixing again". Gawd...I hate infertility!
This weekend is my brother-in-law's girlriends baby shower. My mother-in-law says I shouldn't go if I start my period or if I get yet another big fat negative. She says its too much to take in and she refuses to let me go through that. While I understand where she is coming from and appreciate her concern I feel I need to go regardless. We have not had the best relationship with them since their pregnancy and I feel I need to go to show them I am a good person and I really do care. Regardless of what has happened since their pregnancy announcement that is still my nephew in there and he's just a baby. He's innocent and he didn't do anything in this situation. They didn't get pregnant to intentionally hurt us and most importantly he doesn't deserve to be any less spoiled just because of our situation, even if his name is going to be the name we picked out for our own child years back. I am going to love that baby like no other, I'm sure of it. I just have to get past the sting of the fact that babies have been made and born and we are still only trying.
I'm sure I'm babbling so I will cut myself off. My brain is fried, its 11:00 pm, I'm drained but can't sleep or turn off my brain and its insanely hot and sticky! That is never a winning combination. It's only a matter of time till I post again...
The IUI was performed by my actual endrocronologost which was kind of nice. I got to talk to him and express my concerns and ask about how many cycles we have left on IUI before bring written off as an IUI patient and shipped off to the never never land of IVF. He is such a kind an reassuring man. Plus has a gentle touch which is a major plus when it comes to administering the IUI. He let me know that Dave and I will be getting more IUI cycles than the "typical" infertility case because of my diagnosis. With hypothymalic amenoreah I do not produce the hormones on my own therefore I have no chance of conceiving on my own so all of our attempts are while in their care. Having only a 20% chance at best per cycle, they tend to be a little more lenient with us. It was a relief to hear this but also not simply because I'm ready for this to work already and really don't want to go to IVF. I truly don't know how we will afford it if it comes to that. Money is tight right now as it is with all the Dr visits, labs and medications. How can I afford another $15,000 on top of that???
This 2WW was a lot easier than normal for some reason. It went by like a blink of an eye and I was rather positive. While all of the women on my forums were bitter about Beyonce's baby news, I was rather happy for her. I went shopping, twice, for an upcoming baby shower...and did it with joy! It's all started to turn slowly in the last dew days though. My mood has been rather down and the pressure is finally getting to me.
The 2WW has its ups and downs. The negatives are known far too well to anyone undergoing fertility treatment. There is anxiety, hope, worry, disappointment, fear....the list goes on forever. But there are positives too though; during those 2 weeks you almost feel normal again. There is no blood work, no Dr appointments, no shots...nothing. Well, except for the lovely progesterone suppositories which are a breeze compared to the rest of the junk!
I'm know a great part of my mood is contributed to the nerves of the up coming days. It's now so close and inevitable and that terrifies me. I feel like a ticking time bomb just watching the minutes fly by. Tomorrow marks 2 weeks exactly since my IUI and I am NOT looking forward to the rest of the week. I'm so nervous because I know its only a matter of time now until the truth comes out. I feel no different, as usual, and am so afraid of yet another big fat negative. My boob's aren't sore or swollen, I'm not sick, I never had spotting or cramping indicating implantation....big fat NADA going on as far as symptoms. I am scheduled to take an HPT on Friday, that is if I don't start my period first. If this cycle is anything like the others I will start either tomorrow or Thursday.
This single follie and I had a lot of talks about how it was going to need to shine and hog the attention of all the swimmers that came to visit....invite one in and ask it to stay! I think that these conversations are coming to and end and I am going to have to have talks with some new ones in the upcoming cycle.
I do all my mixing for the injections on a glass cutting board on the kitchen counter. I usually don't keep it out unless we are doing shots but for some reason never put it away during this 2WW. This afternoon I was washing up the counters and thought "I should put this stupid thing away" and then instantly thought "whats the point...I'm going to have to pull it out in a few days anyway to start mixing again". Gawd...I hate infertility!
This weekend is my brother-in-law's girlriends baby shower. My mother-in-law says I shouldn't go if I start my period or if I get yet another big fat negative. She says its too much to take in and she refuses to let me go through that. While I understand where she is coming from and appreciate her concern I feel I need to go regardless. We have not had the best relationship with them since their pregnancy and I feel I need to go to show them I am a good person and I really do care. Regardless of what has happened since their pregnancy announcement that is still my nephew in there and he's just a baby. He's innocent and he didn't do anything in this situation. They didn't get pregnant to intentionally hurt us and most importantly he doesn't deserve to be any less spoiled just because of our situation, even if his name is going to be the name we picked out for our own child years back. I am going to love that baby like no other, I'm sure of it. I just have to get past the sting of the fact that babies have been made and born and we are still only trying.
I'm sure I'm babbling so I will cut myself off. My brain is fried, its 11:00 pm, I'm drained but can't sleep or turn off my brain and its insanely hot and sticky! That is never a winning combination. It's only a matter of time till I post again...
